Floating … please take my hand James McAvoy … I mean Ewan McGregor – oh ok you´re both in my dream, I´ll accept that. Just please keep speaking Scottish. This is amazing … wait why are my children in the water too? And they´re drowning – this is a NIGHTMARE! Wake up, wake up!
So much crying … that is real crying. Oh no, the baby is waking up. 5 more minutes! Wait please don´t leave me James! Not you too Ewan!!!! Noooooo!!!
I should get up. I´ll get up. Does he not hear that noise?!
My boob feels so empty. It has no squish now.
Am I the only one who sees a kitchen full of dishes and thinks to DO THE DISHES!!!!
I´d love just one morning where I get breakfast in bed. And a sleep in. Hint hint hint hint hint HINT!
You´ll make it? Best husband ever!
I am so hungry. What is taking so long?!!! Why he is going so slow – is he doing everything separately?! Just multitask OMG!
What is the baby eating? I really do need to vacuum.
During the Day
Son lets play!! Yes I´d love to play Thomas! Let the baby join in, Emilio. Emilio? Emilio! Emilio – EMILIO!!!!! Not the eyes Emilio!
No don´t draw on the – be careful of the – don´t drop the – watch out!!
*cry a little bit*
I hate this sometimes.
I feel awful. I love my life – I am the luckiest person in the world.
I miss working. I miss cramming up my day with important stuff. I miss money!
Urgh I want to lose control! Give me wine! How much can you drink while breastfeeding again?
All that pumping and dumping seems like a lot of work.Will wait a bit longer. But I will lose control one day!
I just farted. Pretend it was the baby. Why does this keep happening now?!
Time to go shopping. What to wear? Haven´t worn that in a while – wait can´t breastfeed in that. I´ll wear – wait, can´t do it discreetly in that one. Ah fuck it – no-ones looking at these flabbyflabs anymore!
At the Shop
He doesn´t need a lollipop but thank you. Yes my baby is fine, thank you. No he isn´t too big, just those gringo genes!! Yes he seems warm enough – another blanket would probably kill him but thank you for that. No lolly for the baby, but thank you.
Breastfeeding and walking – I am a mummy superstar! Self five
At the Nursery
I have to buy WHAT?
My son is two, he can´t possibly do that even with adult help. Oh I have to make THAT?
Hmm what can I bribe him with today?
This doesn´t end.
Is that a vein popping out of my head?
I really need a minute to myself
Oh poor darling.
I am the worst mother ever.
Did that count as a balanced meal?
Better put him in the bath now before the baby cries. Wait – baby is crying. Do it with baby crying or do it later?
Later. Oh man it is late!
Please don´t pick Thomas for the fourth consecutive night … yay Thomas!!!! Better sing him the songs too. Will he get too cold tonight? But it´s hot now – aaahhh Santiago has crazy weather!! Ok, I´ll read another story.
Cuddles are just the best ever. Look at that little face, those little eyelashes, his little nose … what is that in his hair? Better check he doesn´t need the potty.
Hurry up on that potty, son!
Your cheek/against mine/that is/the most delicious thing.
Delicious. Scrumptious. Splendiferous. Roald Dahl – man I can´t wait to read those books again. I mean for the children and everything.
I could cuddle forever … and he´s asleep – RUN!!! Now to check the baby.
Some Time Later
Time to dig out all the adult treats!!!
Food, food – where is the food?!
Am I eating too much? I´ll never get rid of this floppy stomach.
Ah fuck it – I have TWO kids!!! Where did I hide that chocolate bar again?
Crying baby on TV. God am I lactating? This is so embarrassing.
This scene between the child and her mother is making me well up. I´m so sensitive these days.
Aaaagh don´t wake up!!! Please, please, please. I still need to take a shower!
My bed feels so good I think I might disappear into it … oh hello! Are we cuddling tonight?
Some time later (but not that long)
If we woke the baby up it is your turn.
On Date Night
Pushup bra oh yeah!
I wonder what the kids are doing.
Hmm what to say? I want to be funny. And sexy.
I hope the kids are ok. Should I call and check?
Gosh look at that couple. Were we ever like that? Do you know, I just can´t remember!
I want to have sex like a porn star. Lets do it!!!
I thinkI ate way too much. Wait I need to pee – AGAIN!
Did I take the meat out for tomorrow? Internet bill is due too!
I do love my husband.
I can´t stand my husband.
I do love my life.